The terrible thing is, I know some of these things actually happen (but not often, so don’t get scared):
You know you need a new lawyer WHEN….
1. When the prosecutors see who your lawyer is, they high-five each other. (NOTE: This generally happens outside the courtroom)
2. Every couple of minutes, he yells “I call Jack Daniels to the stand!” and downs a shot.
3. He frequently gives juror number 4 the finger.
4. He begins his closing with “As Ally McBeal once said…”
5. Just before he says “Your Honor”, he makes little quotation marks in the air with his fingers.
6. The sign in front of his office reads “Practicing law since 2:30pm”.
7. Whenever his objection is overruled, he tells the judge “Whatever.”
8. He giggles every time he hears the word “briefs”.
9. During the trial, you catch him playing his Gameboy.
10. He tells you his last good case was a “Budweiser.”