X-Files Stars Appear At Friendship Skills Seminar
“Scully is a very skeptical FBI agent, and I was skeptical about this seminar at first,” said Chris Froman, 23, reachable at http://www.xfiles.cancerman.com. “But just as Mulder can convince Scully that anything’s possible, I have also been convinced that friendship is a goal I might someday reach.”
If Mulder was the one doing the talking, I’d be convinced of anything, too. Woooo….
Two Publicists, Stylist, Personal Assistant Injured As Nicole Kidman Turns On Handlers
“[Levesque] is lucky he wasn�t killed,” Fraser said. “Nicole�s long, sinewy legs contain enough power to decapitate an adult human.”
Oprah Viewers Patiently Awaiting Instructions
With nearly three weeks having passed since talk-show host Oprah Winfrey last issued an official command, approximately 60 million Oprah Winfrey Show viewers are on standby, stationed in front of their television sets and patiently awaiting further instructions from their leader. “We must be patient with Oprah,” said Winfrey fan Melanie Leupke, 44, of Stillwater, OK. “Ours is not to question why she is taking so long. When the time is right and we are needed again, Oprah will tell us what to do.”