List twelve characters from any fandom, and then answer the following questions.
1. Sherlock Holmes
2. Captain Mal Reynolds (Firefly)
3. Han Solo (Star Wars)
4. Wolverine (X-Men)
5. Yoda (Star Wars)
8. Phantom of the Opera
10. Optimus Prime (Transformers)
11. Goliath (Gargoyles)
12. Jack O’Neill (Stargate)
1. Who would make a better college prof, 6 or 11?
What a combination. Buffy and Goliath both have degrees in being Strong Warrior Types—and dude, the lucky children who could take that class—but if you’re talking, say, about someone who could teach history or literature, I think our mighty Gargoyle is, perhaps, a bit better read. So, I’d go with him.
2. Do you think 2 is hot? How hot?
Hot like 10,000 sunsets on some dusty alien planet.
3. 12 sends 8 out on a mission. What is it? Does it succeed?
Sorry. My brain just fried.
4. What is or would be 9’s favorite book?
Something deep, dark, grossly intellectual, and probably stifling. That, or Dr. Suess.
5. Would it make more sense for 2 to swear fealty to 6, or the other way around?
I can’t see Buffy swearing fealty to anyone—and, to be honest, I can’t imagine Captain Tightpants doing so, either. Stalemate. Though let’s face it, Buffy could run circles around Mal any old day—and the repartee would be delightful!
6. For some reason, 5 is looking for a roommate. Should (s)he share a studio apartment with 9 or 10?
Yoda. Living with Batman. Or Optimus Prime. I can’t even answer that question. Brain. Cannot. Compute. Oh, THE FIC.
7. 2, 7, and 12 have dinner together. Where do they go, and what do they discuss?
Mal, Angel, and Jack O’Neill, at dinner. Too juicy. Toooo juicy, by far. Those guys are definitely meat and potato types (with a little blood thrown in). Steakhouse. Or some biker bar on the edge of nowhere with a big pool table and lots of grease. A place that’s begging for a good brawl. I’m sure they would all sit around comparing war stories, scars, getting weepy over sappy love songs. Talking about all those chicks they want but can’t have. Good times.
8. 3 challenges 10 to a duel. What happens?
Han Solo runs screaming, right before Optimus Prime “accidentally” steps on him. And then makes a speech about how freedom is the right of all sentient, er, life-forms.
9. If 1 stole 8’s most precious possession, how would she/he get it back?
Phantom vs. Sherlock Homes? You know, that’s actually a hard one. Sherlock Holmes, I would guess, is very likely the Greatest Intellect Alive. The Phantom, however, is also supposed to be a genius, though perhaps in the fields of engineering and music. So I’d go with Sherlock. But it would still be an interesting battle of wits and ingenuity.
10. Suggest a title for a story in which 7 and 12 both attain what they most desire.
Blondes Girls from the Vampire Planet of the Tok’ra.
11. What kind of plot device would you use if you wanted 4 and 1 to work together?
That’s too good. I need to meditate on that one.
12. If 7 visited you for the weekend, how would you get along?
Famously, darling. Just famously.
13. If you could command 3 to perform any one task or service for you, what would it be?
Is that a trick question?
14. Does anyone on your friends list write or draw 11?
15. If 2 had to choose sides between 4 and 5, which would it be?
Where’s the money, and where’s the good fight?
16. What might 10 shout while charging into battle?
That’s way too easy. That’s—aw, heck. AUTOBOTS, ROLL OUT!
17. If you chose a song to represent 8, which song would you choose?
Is that another trick question?
18. 1, 6, and 12 are having dim sum at a Chinese restaurant. There is only one scallion pancake left, and they all reach for it at the same time. Who gets to eat it?
Buffy. Holmes and O’Neill are old school gentlemen. That, and she probably frightens them just a little.
19. What might be a good pick-up line for 2 to use on 10?
20. What would 5 most likely be arrested for?
It’s hard being green.
21. What is 6’s secret?
Pick one. And then start running.
22. If 11 and 9 were racing to a destination, who would get there first?
Batman has jet-engines. Goliath glides on “air currents.” Do the math.
23. If you had to walk home through a bad neighborhood late at night, would you feel safer in the company of 7 or 8?
The Phantom is a loving-obsessive-misunderstood-sexysexysexy-musical-genuis-of-a-psychopath, but Angel owns the kick-ass. Plus he’s funny.
24. 1 and 9 reluctantly team up to save the world from the threat posed by 4’s sinister secret organization. 11 volunteers to help them, but it is later discovered that s/he is actually a spy for 4. Meanwhile, 4 has kidnapped 12 in an attempt to force their surrender. Following the wise advice of 5, they seek out 3, who gives them what they need to complete their quest. What title would you give this fic?
Sherlock Holmes + Batman versus Wolverine (who has kidnapped Jack O’Neill). Goliath is Wolverine’s spy. And Yoda hands out the wise advice to seek out Han Solo.
There is no title on earth that could adequately cope with the coolness of that fic.