Via Wired, this article about How to Write Badly Well, such as “Describe every character in minute detail, taking no account of narrative pacing” or “Skip blithely between tenses”:
I sit at my desk with my head in my hands and sighed. It is only three days until the deadline, I think, and I’m going to have had to finished everything before then. If only I have finish this now, I thought and lean back on my chair. Just then, the phone has rung. I am answering it.
Yup. Sounds about right.